MRS. CASTRO CAN RULE CUBA

Excuse me, Mrs. Castro, but why don't you tell Raul and that happy guy from Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, to get out of your husband's hospital room? You're married to the dude, they're not!

Now, while you've got him down, get Fidel to sign the papers making you the queen. He can establish a monarchy anytime he wants to. Like right now. Then if - pray against it - King Fidel goes to the other side, you are the Queen of Cuba.

You know you can run the place better than Raul. For one thing, you're sober and he isn't. As queen, you can show Cuba's soft side. You can invite Elian Gonzales over for ice cream because you like him, not just for propaganda. You helped Fidel solve many problems. Wives do that.

Such a deal. The people who hated Fidel (we hear there were some) would automatically love you, Queen whats-your-name. You could continue the revolution with the vaunted security- instead-of-liberty programs, superior education, sports excellence and prominence in medicine.

You could work all day and sleep all night. Poor Fidel worked hard every day, but then he had to keep an eye open for the next CIA assassin. He stayed awake, that's why they missed him so often. No one would shoot at the Queen of Cuba.

And if Fidel and you live to be 100, you would prefer living as King and Queen than as Cuba's dictator and Eva Braun. Think royally. Go for the crown!